Monday 7 November 2016

Nerd Jokes

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it is a hardware problem!

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!

Q: Did you hear about the software coder that got stuck in his shower for a week?
A: The instructions on his shampoo said: Lather, rinse, repeat.

Q: When do astronauts eat?
A: At launch time!

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!

Q: Why was 6 scared of 7?
A: Because seven eight nine! (Seven ate nine!)

Q: A tree, algae, and mushroom all said that they would build a robot, which one ended up
doing it?
A: The tree because he said that he wood.

Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In a prism!

Q: Why did the incandescent ask more questions than the compact fluorescent?
A: He had more watts!

Pi and the square root of -1 (i) were having an argument, finally it got so heated i said to pi, “Why can’t you just be rational?” To which pi replied, “Get real!”

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician agree to take part in a psychology experiment. Each person is locked in a room with nothing but a single can of beans. After three days the researchers open each door in turn. In the first room they find the physicist happily scrawling equations across a wall, and the can of beans neatly popped open. They ask him how he opened the can and he says “Oh, it was quite elementary. I did all this (motioning to the equations on the wall) mathematics to find the weakest point. Then, I applied pressure to the these points.” They take their notes and move on to the next room, where the engineer is snoring in a corner. The can is lying beside him, a smashed pile of metal. They wake him and ask him how he opened the can, to which he replies “I battered it to its failure point.” Finally, they open the third door. There they find the mathematician holding the can, pacing back and forth, and muttering, “Assume the can is open. Assume the can is open…”

Mathematics is the first sine of madness!!!

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

I’m so cool you have to measure me in kelvin.

A mathematician and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house. The physicist says, “The measurement wasn’t accurate,” and the mathematician replies, “If exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code!

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Professor: What is the area of a circle?
Student: Pi R squared.
Professor: Pis are not square, pies are round!

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”

Hydrogen and Oxygen were bonding in a bath,
Gold walked in and say “Hey You” (Au),
Lets ring up Sodium and Potassium and have a party!
Sodium said “Na” and Potassium said “K”

No comments:

Post a Comment